If you’re worried that someone you care about is in an abusive relationship, your support can make a difference. While you can’t “rescue” someone, you can be a steady source of support, encouragement, and information.

Here’s how to help safely and compassionately:

1. Start with Compassion

Find a quiet, safe time to talk and express concern gently. Try saying something like, “I’m worried about your safety.” Let them share—on their terms—and believe what they tell you.

2. Listen Without Judgment

Survivors often carry shame, fear, and confusion. Reassure them: the abuse is not their fault, and they are not alone. Avoid pressuring them to leave. It’s never as simple as “just leaving.”

3. Offer Support, Not Solutions

Ask how you can best support them. Avoid telling them what to do—this mirrors the control they may already be experiencing. Instead, empower them to explore options at their own pace.

4. Connect to Resources

Encourage them to call a domestic violence hotline—even if they’re not ready to leave. Trained advocates, like we have at the Family Peace Center, can help them understand what’s happening and explore safety planning, shelter options, legal assistance, and more. You can also call to learn how to be a more effective ally.

5. Respect Their Choices

Only a survivor can decide when they’re ready to take action. Your role is to walk beside them—not push them forward. Be patient. Healing and empowerment take time.

6. Help Build a Safety Plan

If they are open to it, help them think through steps to stay safer—whether they’re staying or planning to leave. View our Safety Planning page.

7. Mind Your Own Well-Being

Supporting someone through trauma can take a toll. If you begin feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to set boundaries. Compassion fatigue is real—take care of yourself, too.

8. If You’re Unsure About Calling Police

Only call 911 if someone is in immediate danger. If you're unsure whether to involve police, contact a domestic violence advocate first—they can help assess the situation and recommend next steps without putting the survivor at greater risk.

Learning about abuse is an important step. Check out our guide about how You Can Help.

Visit The Hotline for information on understanding relationship abuse, supporting someone experiencing relationship abuse, abuse in underserved populations, and more.

Remember: You don’t have to be an expert to help someone in an abusive relationship. You just have to show up, believe them, and walk beside them. Your support could be the lifeline they need.

Need more help? Contact Us

Illinois Domestic Violence Hotline: 877-863-6338